Friday, December 13, 2013

Adventitious. Random. Chaos. . . . And Hope.

(Pre-script: This one's completely about me. A pure selfish post looking back on things that affected me. So, unless you are someone closely related to my self, brace yourself for getting utterly bored.)

Traveling on the Great Indian Railways on a 36 hour journey back home and thinking about all that's transgressed in the last few days; the passing rail side slums and ever-rising apartment compounds of Mumbai, symbolic of nostalgia and change in time gone by and yet to come;a huge Indian family with a rambling baby to complete the perfect picture Ruskin Bond would be proud of - couldn't have asked for a more conducive environment to jot down the ramblings of my mind.

To put it straight and simple- life's thrown everything, good, bad and ugly and it's been relentless in that. So, you get one and start to wonder how much more interesting can it get from here and then you get the next one... again and again. Then you start to realize - it's time to get off the comfort zone, end of the cocoon that was H4 @ IIT Bombay and time to step into the world- unfair and uncompromising. And then you hear a small voice at the back of your mind- when all is lost, there is still something...hope.

Life in meta was smooth and then placements appeared as a reality check. Shortlists after shortlists and getting it name in so few. So much for self confidence. Just when you are thinking of tagging yourself the unluckiest guy around that meet others who have had numerous shortlists n still unplaced after 15+ interview, GDS and tests. Yet four tiring days and sleepless nights later, a call from home shatters their my-son-is-a-star dream and you simply break down. There's just so much solace you can take from other's pain. In the end it's everyone for himself. And after that it was about going through the motions, wishes dying down, scrolling through '**** it is' status and sing your congrats to it. By the time you finally get your firm, you wonder- was it what you wanted to work for or was it just get out of the cycle!

Then there are academics. The last sem that matters you hit a record low of 6.5 SPI and your parents, who simply have had two concerns ever since you left home- health and acads, simply decide you are incorrigible. You scrap in with an overall 8.0 CPI, sit for placements and then you your first ever 9+ in our seven sems at college- a 9.3 grand. Yet none cares now, neither parents, nor colleagues. It's too late. That coupled with a project whose presentation went haywire and you expect a 7 yet get the feedback after a week, 'great work. Meet me post placements n will decide future work. No worry about the grade (that's a good 9)'. And never having had any enthu in metallurgy now a paper looks a real possibility in last few months at the institute.

Not that it's all about the person. You look around. Politics, always been apathetic about it. People go on marches, the youth feels all invigorated and you complain about the politicizing of social networks, staying a cynic. And then the results roll out. And you see results, not just talks, promises or adrenalin. Real results. And you think- have we really got hope in our political system? A small start it may be, may fizzle out in the end. But that's what hope means, right?

Always was the pessimist in our discussions regarding start-ups and ventures though it did appeal to me- taking responsibility and initiatives. Knew my background, where I come from, what expectations to fulfill. So, aimed at stability for few years then jump into business. Yet placed in a start-up, thrown into the fray and all those pals, with previous start up experience and enthu for having their own businesses, go to relatively established firms. Good or bad, that's for time to tell.

Then amongst it all, you get news that takes leaves you rattled. Loss of life, some mishap, someone close being hurt beyond recovery... And you realize how futile and insignificant your issues are in the greater context. Some may be gone but there will always be survivors and that's what matters. To move on, to mourn and yet not brood, to find strength and support and look at the next day with renewed hope.

Hope. That's really something least understood yet almost always quoted in the direst situations. Whether it is the angel released by Pandora after the box of miseries or it's just a mirage in the desert... That's for time to tell. But now, today, there is just a simple way forward - To believe. To hope. To live

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